March 8, 2011

Turn Around


If you’ll remember I’ve been here before.  On January 2nd.  And here we are, March 8th.  In a few months I’ve gone up a little and down a little.

And I’ve been neglecting you!

So.  Hello.

I became a vegan for a week.  Here’s the short of it: It wasn’t that difficult.  It was expensive.  I lost 5 lbs.

I am no longer vegan but I am eating more meatless meals, some of which are vegan.  I am paying more attention to what I eat and where it comes from.  I am still paying more for food.

I have recommitted to working out.  I am two workouts for two days so far this week.

Here’s where I am sucking at working out…I am seriously bailing at the end of almost every workout.  If I mean to go run for 30 minutes I run for 20.  I am awesome for 2/3 of my workout, then I quit.  Seriously lame.  I figure 20 minutes is better than nothing, but a full workout would be even better.

I hope to hit under 180 soon.  I’m over it and over myself.

So, hey, two readers beyond myself…What would you like to hear more about.  Workouts?  Recipes?  Please share!

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February 14, 2011

Extraordinary Machine

I worked out today.

I returned to Workout 1 on the 30 Day Shred.  Last week I managed some walking on the treadmill, but I still felt so sick that I couldn’t push myself much.  Today I actually worked out and now I have that high that I always forget is possible in the times that I don’t work out.

Finally I realized that I will have to actually make a change if I want my life to change.  Writing and connecting with myself is all good and well, but I’m going to have to actually show up at my workouts if I expect results.

But, as a result I feel more alert and awake than coffee alone could ever bring me.  It’s a good place to be.

Life happens so we might as well show up and make the most of it.

February 10, 2011

You can’t carry it with you if you want to survive…

What shall I tell you about?  I was terribly sick last week, but I think it provided me ultimately with a great deal of rest.  The beginning of the week started with an adventure of sorts that I’m not ready to talk about.  There were a few days where I burned with excitement and ambivalence and was forced to face my past as it ran screaming into my unsuspecting future.  It was glorious and scary and when it was over I had a terrible cold.

I didn’t exercise at all.

January 24, 2011

RIP Jack Lalanne

While I have reservations about the myth of the happy poor, I would agree with Mr. Lalanne that having more isn’t making us happy.  No matter how long we have, it’s a fleeting life.  Take care of yourself.  Be joyful.  Thanks for the reminder, Jack.

January 17, 2011

On the Run

There are many ways to bolt…Distracting yourself from your pain by doing a thousand different things: thinking about something else, blaming your mother, blaming someone else, getting into a fight, comparing yourself to other people, dreaming about a life in the future, recalling a life in the past, never getting deeply involved.


–Women Food and God, Geneen Roth

I’m an expert at bolting.  The golden globes are on now, and it’s oh so tempting to imagine a life of fame or a life brushing with fame and wealth and fabulousness.  My life is good now, but it would be so much better if…!  What a wonderful way to stop dealing with reality here and now.

A dear friend of mine has started a blog about upgrading her fashion choices, and dressing like she cares, as she pulls herself out of depression.  She looks fabulous.  I want to join in the fun but hardly any of my clothes fit.  How can I dress fabulously when I’m too fat to wear my clothes, and cannot afford a whole new wardrobe?  Comparing to others.  Bolt.

I made my most significant weight gain this year while throwing myself into a fundraiser for a non profit I believe in.  Thinking about something else?  Was that bolting too?

I made a significant move.

I took a step back in my career.

I make less money.

I am trying to get more real.

I know that fame, wealth, and status don’t bring happiness.  I know this, but I sometimes forget.



Ate my feelings tonight.

January 9, 2011

Not Buying

There is a lot of money being made in America by people who line their pockets with fear and hate mongering, and not without consequence. It’s a growth industry and it will only stop when we stop buying into it.

January 7, 2011

A Sign

Came across this striking story and reminder that everyone, or at least many people, are carrying heavy things that may not be immediately obvious.

I think we should just try to imagine it………that when a friend is quiet…or not showing up to stuff she usually shows up to….or acting a little “off”….or a family member is wearing pajamas to the grocery store for weeks on end……or not answering the phone…..or the lawn is not mowed…..

whatever it is……….

IT IS A SIGN. It is not a sign that can be read in words and letters, but it is a sign that someone needs to be treated gently…that they need help….most of all, that they need love, understanding…and that they DEFINITELY DO NOT need to be judged.

We should be gentle with each other.  I see I’ve been wearing a few signs of my own.  I’m going to try to remember to be gentle with myself.

January 4, 2011


Good lord, not THAT kind of purge.

I need to clean out my closet.

What is it with Americans and all of our stuff?

I have a closet full of clothes I don’t wear. I love my books, but after a few years of diligent library usage, I don’t have as much need to acquire books. I think I’m losing my taste for the acquisition of things in general.

Except for lemon trees.  I could use more lemon trees.  Like the photo in the ikea catalog.

Okay, I haven’t completely lost my taste for consumerism.

January 3, 2011

Oh Media.

Women Laughing Alone, With Salad

January 2, 2011


“The nature of epiphany is that it changes the universe without moving a hair.” –Joss Wheden

180 is what the scale said when I stepped on this morning, naked, before breakfast.  It’s the beginning of a new year, a culturally fortuitous time for turning over a new leaf, turning one’s life around.  It’s a tempting time to make huge proclamations, “I am going to change my life!”

I keep thinking about the six month rule.  I’ve been reading a lot of Malcolm Gladwell lately and I can’t remember if the idea appeared in one of his books, or in David Rakoff’s Half Empty, but the theory is this:  Six months after a major life change, good or bad, a person returns to their baseline of happiness.  Whether someone wins the lottery or loses a leg, after six months they return essentially to a level of happiness or sadness that they previously existed at.  They are themselves.

Through that lens changing one’s life seems somewhat unlikely.  Sure, the glossy and dramatic things are definitely subject to change, but inner life is a little more sticky.